I’ve been experiencing a smell emanating from the kitchen area ever since I came home from the Summer Camp trip but at first I thought it was due to my lack of showering. I tried the nose detection technique to no avail, had a theory that it was coming from the floor vents when the air conditioning came on, and even tried keeping the windows closed per chance it was blowing in from outside…nothing.
Last night it got so bad I could barley nap on the couch, I had to convince myself I was drifting off in a third world country it was terrible. After my slumber I lit a candle, emptied the dishwasher, threw away all the food in the freezer, (which could have fed a small third world country) threw away any old food products in the cabinets, and took the floor rugs down to be washed half expecting to find some vermin under them when they were removed…nothing.
I tried to convince myself I had done it and with the combination of a Yankee “Brown Sugar” candle, some Indian belly dancing music on the old HI-FI, and no food in the house I almost pulled it off but without the sand on the floor this atmosphere of disarray fell slightly short…nothing
There was something about the offensive aromas combined with the sweet sugars and harsh grinding of Gypsy violins coupled with the evening heat that made my mind snap.
“No true third world person owns a fridge, it must me removed!”
In my flip flops, stained army shorts, no shoes, long hair, and 70’s porn star mustache I struggled, pulled and wrestled until the great white fridge finally broke free and rolled uncontrollably across the kitchen floor only to be stopped by the slack of the tiniest electrical cord giving way and unplugging with a “Pop!” from the dust covered socket…
Immediately the offensive smell of rotting meat burst threw the kitchen and shriveled my face, the cats that were playing outside must have caught the scent from the neighbors’ yard and ran to the door at full sprint to reclaim their long lost prize. My eyes through the tears and stinging sweat focused on what appeared to be the rotting corps of “The Great Giant Anaconda of the Nile”!!!
In the end “The Creature” had to be removed with an industrial flat nosed shovel ($24.99 on sale at Jerry’s Home Improvement) and an extra wide landscaper’s rake which was acquired from a mentally ill landscaper who went on the lamb from an alcoholic ex-wife and ten years of back taxes.
