Energy drinks lead to unprotected sex

Friday the Arthurs came down to stay with us because their kitchen is being remodeled and they needed a little sanity (and a workable kitchen). When they arrived Friday night the fun began almost immediately.

 

 

First off Steph was describing, in animated detail, all about a news station reporting on a study that energy drinks lead to unprotected sex. Paul was extremely excited about the concept and was hoping to test the theory over the weekend. Shortly after, Paul headed downstairs to unload the car and slipped smashing his nuts into the stairpost.

 

 

There is no way to describe the look on his face so I won’t even try. I will say however… it hurt me. Needless to say it didn’t keep me from laughing my ass off.

 

 

I made Paul a drink and he took solace on the couch in a way I’ve never seen from a grown man (it really must have hurt).

 

 

Jan had stopped for Thai food and we feasted on Pad Thai, Cashew Chicken, and pot stickers. Then we broke out the Tiki glasses and drank rum with pineapple and coconut juice. Jan had rum and coke. When “rum night” was in full force, Paul was no longer able to say “energy drink” intelligibly.

 

 

Steph slept on the couch all night through the mayhem thereby disproving the scientific study.

 

 

Meanwhile we watered plants, threw the ball on the roof with Zach, and Jan hunted for slugs.

 

 

At some point Zach got to play his favorite game…Flashlights! Later Zach passed out with the flashlight still on and Jan gave way shortly after.

 

 

Saturday morning Paul was looking a little rough. Of course this was at 6:45 am.

 

 

I went out and got the Jeep ready for Zach’s first ride with the top off.

 

 

Paul, Jan, Zach, and I took the Jeep to Full City and got coffee for all. Then Paul and I took Zach to Toys R Us and returned with enough loot to rival our 4^th of July incident.

 

 

Nate got his own remote.

 

 

He really liked our remotes so this toy was a big hit.

 

 

I got one airplane and a rocket.

 

 

 

Paul got two styrafoam airplanes and an R/C Jeep Wrangler.

 

 

We decided to have lunch and headed to North Bank to sit by the river. Jan and I warned against the notoriously shitty service and poor quality of food but Steph wanted the atmosphere and North Bank didn’t disappoint.

 

 

We arrived shortly before they opened so we took in the view and Zach watched the people on bicycles.  He would yell, “Hi bikes” and “Bye bikes.”

 

 

Once seated, it was business as usual at North Bank and the wait was on (not a great thing with hungry kids).

 

 

Jan did a great job keeping Zach entertained.

 

 

She did this by playing some sort of hungry monster.

 

 

Nate had no complaints about his hamburger and loved his fries with ketchup.

 

 

Afterwards we headed to the park next to Paula’s house and the girls went crazy riding the See-Saw.  Steph played a nasty trick on Jan and stood up suddenly so Jan’s bum hit the ground HARD!  She mumbled something about little sister revenge.

 

 

Then Steph had a try on the Merry-Go-Round.

 

 

Paul and I headed to the field to relive our Lake Chelan vacation.

 

 

On the way out we found a possible lead on Paul’s wedding ring that escaped in the McKenzie River.

 

 

We came home and tried out the cool R/C Jeep and played in the lawn. Oh, by the way, after all this activity, it’s still only 1:00 pm.

 

 

Zach had a problem with Jan driving the Jeep and would bring it back to the men’s side of the yard.

 

 

We quickly burned out at this point and it was naps for all (thank God).

 

 

Shortly after the naps Paul started complaining of a bad stomach. He went down.

 

 

We all regrouped and enjoyed the remaining sunlight in the yard.

 

 

I finished putting the “already assembled” rocket together then fortunately Paul re-assembled it correctly to make it flight worthy.

 

 

Jan, Steph, and I had cocktails and I eventually made chicken burritos where I made the smallest burrito ever for Steph.

 

 

The girls took Zach to the neighbor’s to jump on the trampoline and then Nicole and her boyfriend Nick came over and we all ate peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream.

 

Sunday morning I must say the house was officially kid friendly.

 

 

We had a Mexican casserole for breakfast that everyone seemed to enjoy.

 

 

We cleaned up and the Arthurs packed the car to go back to Seattle. Paul’s bathroom visits had gotten more frequent and at this point one could only assume the worst: It’s going to be a long trip back to Seattle!

 

Thanks, you guys, for all the fun. Jan and I sure enjoyed ourselves and we’ll see you next time!

Home on the Range

Saturday Sebastian got a pretty good sized garden snake from the rock wall. He brought it to the back step and eventually it made a getaway through the wooden deck slates.

 

Sunday Jan and I were overrun with wild turkeys. They ate all our weeds and watched me wash the Jeep.

 

 

Later, one male turkey decided he wanted to lead the flock and there was a huge turkey smack down in the middle of the street. Cars were blocked in both directions but, in the end, the leader prevailed and the loser had to bring up the rear.

 

 

The weather here has been warm, mostly 80s and 90s, and in my office, with the photo lights, that translates into unbearable.

 

Monday I picked up Sebastian from the windowsill downstairs to move him to our bed and now I’ve got a bad case of poison oak under my right arm and chest and, needless to say, it’s on the move.

 

 

Tuesday All the cheese and crackers from the vacation had finally taken its toll and by now I knew I was seriously constipated. I was so uncomfortable and bloated I broke down and took a bunch of Ex-lax and Metamucil and hoped for the best.

 

 

Wednesday I had my podiatrist appointment for my custom orthotics. The doctor left the room after he fitted them in my shoes. I quickly learned that every step was accented by the biggest fart sounds you’ve ever heard in your life. I tried to walk on my toes to keep the whoopee cushion-like sounds that were bursting from my cross trainers to a minimum. I had to leave the office, check out, cross one solid floor of waiting room, and hijack an elevator to make my escape. That, my friends, is no small task when the whole building thinks you have an uncontrollable flatulence problem

 

Thursday Driving home through the downtown area, I came across a girl wearing simply shorts, pointing east and west, who was walking with her boyfriend. The boyfriend was irate, running spastically all over the street, yelling at anybody staring at his young hippie girlfriend. I was called “a pervert” but what the hell!

 

Sorry no photo

 

Thursday night Jan was kicked at soccer and returned home with a pretty swollen ankle. Rich and Tanya came over for cocktails and Jan iced down with some frozen peas.

 

 

Saturday was house chores day. Jan worked hard cleaning out the refrigerator.

 

 

(Moments like this are definitely meant to be remembered.)

 

 

I chipped in and cleaned the floors.

 

 

It was hot and a lot of hard work.

 

 

Earlier that week part of our rock wall collapsed. I originally thought Sebastian might have gotten caught in the collapse chasing snakes but he didn’t.

 

 

Sunday morning I put it back together but ended up with quite a few extra stones.

 

 

 

Later Jan and I ran to Jerry’s and bought a new rug for the living room which matches our mirror rather well.

 

 

Last night Jan and I returned from the “Los Lobos” and the “Los Lonely Boys” concert with Rich and Tanya (stinkeroo!). All I have to say is the Philly cheese steak sandwiches were good. I had two. Sebastian was nowhere to be found at 11:00 pm two hours after the time he’s supposed to be in. We searched and Jan finally found him, and as I carried him in, I noticed his back foot was awfully wet. Well it was poo! Apparently something scared him (Cookie, the neighbor cat) and he crapped all over himself. After Jan washed him, he hid in his Nike bag next to a bowl of wet food until he felt he was appropriate to rejoin the family.

 

 

 

 

Lake Chelan Lodge Of Fun!

 

 

Well, it was a fantastic 4^th of July adventure to Lake  Chelan Echo Lodge. Fun filled with gorgeous scenery, outrageous behavior, and family togetherness (admitted or not)!

 

 

 Every day we experienced warm weather and every night we endured fifty mile per hour winds the shook the top floor of the house like a wicker basket.

 

 

  

Day One: As always I managed to go down on day one for about twelve hours so I just read Jeep magazines in the bathroom and drank lots of water.

 

Day Two: Paul and I made the GPS-estimated two hour trip to Wenatchee Airport to pick up Lin. My stomach was still pretty unstable. Paul did the windy trip in one hour, and I almost puked to Paul’s surprise just outside of Lake Chelan.

 

 

Day Three: I gassed up the Jeep and headed for Chelan Butte Rd. for a little off-roading and an awesome view of the area.

 

 

 

I left trails unexplored thinking I would be back but I never returned.

 

 

 

We celebrated Nate’s first Birthday and went into town for the local excitement.

Note: Wake Paul from nap quietly or his mood may not recover till the next day.

 

 

 

 

 

We drank a lot of rum (a variety of flavors) and played horseshoes as well as swam in the 84-degree pool.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Apparently Steph only sprayed my chest with suntan lotion in the shape of a “Z” (very funny!)

 

 

 

We flew the ultra cool styrafoam plane that flew about a quarter mile on one flight.

 

 

 

 

 Right onto someone’s property where it was then guarded by Chompers the insane dog. Jan and I had to drive the Jeep down and commando mission it back.

 

 

 

Paul and I took Zach off-roading in the Jeep.

 

 

He lasted an amazing two and a half hours on the bouncy, dusty trail .

 

 

 

 Zach hung in there like a trouper.

 

 

Thanks, Zach, for not vomiting till we put chicken tenders in front of you at the dinner table.

 

 

 

 

 

On the second to the last day we rented a boat and navigated the timber filled waters of the Chelan Lake itself.

 

 

 

Then we wrapped the whole trip up with some old fashioned kite flying.

 

 

As I mentioned before, it was without a doubt an absolutely amazing adventure. Thanks, Steph and Paul, for inviting Jan and me. We look forward to our next incredible outing.

 

Rums:

 

Captain Morgans’s Spiced

Mount Gay Special Reserve

Cruzan Single Barrel

Appleton Estate Extra

 

Tequila:

 

Zircon Azul Gold

Corralejo Blanco

Don Julio Repasado

 

Favorite Meal:

 

Jan – Campbell House

Mike – Paul and Mike’s refrigerator clean out

 

Favorite Activity:

 

Jan – Pool

Mike – Plane

 

 Favorite Road:

 

Jan – None

Mike – Forest Service Road 8020

 

Favorite Quote:

 

Jan – “We made it!”

Mike – “We made it!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello world!

This is my first test to hopefully a cool journey.